It’s that time of year again! The time when people say to themselves, “DAMMIT, I suck! What, O what can I do to make myself less sucky in the upcoming year?” So, in the spirit of the season, I hereby resolve that in 2022 I will:

Endeavor to become more Muppet-like.

Begin brushing my dog at least once a week.

Legally change my name to “Cedric D’Artagnan DAMMIT!”

Begin brushing my toilets at least once a week.

Learn a new language. Yes, I mean a NEW language – one that won’t exist until I start learning it.

Begin brushing my teeth at least once a week.

Meet someone named “Larry”.

Begin brushing my colon at least once a week.

Write a self-help book for the illiterate.

Lick people.

Become omnipresent.