New fiction (© 2023 by Cedric Williams) :

(for part A of this story, click here)

Clayton D’Artagnan Bilgewater VII, more formally known as the Duke of Spackle, was the Earl of Ductwork’s dearest friend. In fact, they were practically brothers, having both been raised by the same ferret. He learned through the royal grapevine of his friend’s diagnosis, and immediately took it upon himself to scour the medical journals, in search of any new and/or experimental developments in the treatment of Hyperfecesia. And so he scoured for hours at a time. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into…hope! Finally, in the pages of Promising Prospects in the Practice of Professional Proctology, he had found a glimmer of hope. It was time, Clayton thought to himself, to pay his dear friend a visit.

The very next day, the Duke of Spackle and the Earl of Ductwork traveled aboard Earl Force One to the former Soviet republic of Crapistan. Upon their arrival, they proceeded directly to the office of Dr. Balzac Bittnov, leading butt surgeon and the world’s only Hyperfecesia Specialist.

“Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, Dr. Bittnov,” began the Duke.

“Well, being royalty has its privileges. And please, call me Balz. Now, I’ve looked over the MRI results sent by Dr. Side-Salad, and I believe I can help you.”

“Splendid, Balz!” exclaimed the Earl. “Only, I’m not certain I understand the procedure.”

“Oh, it’s quite simple, really,” said Bittnov. “You see, hyperfecesia occurs when the anus grows over, preventing poo from passing properly. Thus, the crap builds up inside your body, as it has no way to get out.”

“So, the problem is my bumhole?” asked the Earl.

“Exactly,” replied the doctor. “And the solution: I’ll rip you a new one!”

End of Part B

(click here for part C)