Gaze deeply into my shiny bald head. You will see into tomorrow. Or you can simply read my predictions below.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints will formally rename the Book of Mormon to “The Newer Testament.”

The United States government will finally admit that North Dakota doesn’t actually exist.

Sheep will continue going to Heaven; goats will still be condemned to Hell.

Gravity will stop working. President Trump will claim responsibility, calling gravity “the worst idea anyone ever had.” Descendants of Sir Isaac Newton will vehemently disagree.