Author: ceddammit

I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease (PD) in January of 2015, at the age of 42. Five years later, the progression of PD forced me into an early retirement. It was almost another two years before I finally made this blog happen.

Texas Trip Report (Day 1)

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My airline-related fears have been confirmed. You may recall (or you may click here) that during my previous trip, I shared my experiences with Spirit airlines. During that trip, I also learned that Spirit will soon be merging with Frontier airlines. I used to love Frontier. Denver used to be their only hub, and I flew Frontier frequently when I lived in Colorado. But since I’ve lived in North Carolina for the last several years, I haven’t had much chance to fly Frontier…until now. For my flight to Texas (San Antonio, specifically) I managed to get a great price for a one-way ticket, with the caveat that there would be a 7.5-hour layover in Denver. So I decided to give Frontier another try. Today, I was disappointed to learn that they have already implemented several of the things that I didn’t like about Spirit: the uncomfortable seats, charges for both checked AND carry-on luggage, having to pay extra to choose your own seat, the tiny tray tables…the list possibly goes on.

As for the 7.5-hour layover, I still have family near Denver. They came to the Denver International Airport (DIA) to pick me up; we had lunch and generally roamed around the northern suburbs for a few hours, before they deposited me back at DIA. But wait, isn’t this a Parkinson’s blog? Why, yes. Yes it is.

Long-time readers of this blog (if such beasts actually exist) know that the single aspect of Parkinson’s Disease (PD) I’ve given the most attention, is insomnia. A few weeks ago, my PD Specialist prescribed me another sleep aid to try. There have been more than a few cases where I posted great news about a specific treatment, only to have it stop working within a few weeks. Therefore, I am waiting this one out. I will discuss this latest prescription once I am more certain as to its long-term efficacy. For the moment, I’ll just say that I woke up too early on Day 1 of my Texas trip, and that I think it was due to me actually being afraid of oversleeping since this was an early flight, rather than being due to any failure on the medication’s part. Regardless of the cause, the effect of this lack of sleep was that I did some pertty decent sleepin’ on both flights. But I also fuzzed out a couple of times – both of which were right when the flight attendants had the beverage cart next to me. “Fuzzed out” is the term I just now made up for this experience. The experience is like a kind of detachment…my senses are still functional, but I feel as if I’m observing (dimly) from a distance; like I’m not really there. Or maybe this would be more accurate: it feels like my conscious mind has unexpectedly stepped aside, forcing my subconscious mind to take over for it. Each time it happened today, it lasted only a few seconds. But it lasted a full morning once. In that instance, I was perfectly functional – drove my car, went for a hike, took photos – I just felt like I wasn’t consciously in control of my actions. Like I was being operated remotely.

Anyway…got my rental car, drove to my hotel, had an EXCELLENT dinner at a local restaurant called, I think, La Torta, ready for bed.

The Grand Experiment, part three

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© 2022 by Cedric Williams

(for part one of this story, click here)

With the failure of the Grand Experiment came the failure of Elvin’s heart and spleen, and thus his untimely demise. He was survived by his wife Dawn and their five-month-old Young’n. That’s right. They named their son Young’n. Soon after Elvin’s death, Dawn was offered a job as floor manager at a major cotton canning plant. With the demand for canned cotton at an all-time high, this opportunity was not to be missed. Eager to put the past behind her, Dawn loaded Young’n into the Microbus, and they moved to whatever state the cotton canning plant was in. Dawn would never again set foot in Colorado.

Young’n grew up knowing very little about his father. Dawn had always disapproved of Elvin’s involvement with the Grand Experiment. Now her biggest fear was that Young’n would follow in Elvin’s foot steps, ending up heartbroken and spleenless like his father before him. Dawn figured that Young’n would be unable to follow in his father’s foot steps if he knew nothing about the man. So she told Young’n his father’s name, and nothing else.

Then, on a beautiful Thursday afternoon one September, Al Gore invented the internet. Young’n instantly recognized the potential of this new technology. As soon as he obtained connectivity, he Googled “Elvin Q. Flatulence”. To his amazement, Wikipedia had an extensive article about his father. Young’n read with fascination about the Grand Experiment and, ultimately, his father’s untimely demise. But even with this new knowledge, he still felt an emptiness, an emptiness that he knew could only be filled by experiencing the homeland of his ancestors. But he was only four years old, and he knew his Mommy wouldn’t take him. So he waited…for several years…. Finally, when he reached crack-smoking age, he embarked upon a pilgrimage to the Denver Coliseum.

“All I want is justice,” he said to anyone who’d listen. “Justice and/or revenge! Well all right, I want justice, revenge, and a Korn dog.” But let us never speak of the Korn dog again.

On the night Young’n arrived in Denver, the Coliseum was to host a concert by a new band known as Karrot. The opening act was the same freakin’ can of peas that had opened for Korn so many years prior. Young’n decided to start by taking a moment to adjust to the crisp Colorado air, so he simply parked his rump on the Coliseum’s front steps. Unfortunately, a passing police officer somehow mistook Young’n’s rump for the new Volkswagen Rump, and Young’n was immediately impounded under the No VW Zone law. Sadly, the shock of being confined to an impound lot caused his heart and spleen to fail, resulting in his untimely demise.

The Grand Experiment, part two

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New fiction (© 2022 by Cedric Williams) :

(for part one of this story, click here)

Upon his arrest for possession of controlled substances, Elvin was transported to the City of Denver Municipal Dungeon. Whenever other prisoners asked him what he was in for, Elvin explained the Grand Experiment, and his small part in it. Many of the prisoners were inspired by the idea of the Grand Experiment and offered to help in its execution, once they had done their time in the dungeon, of course. A multitude of them wrote letters explaining the Grand Experiment to friends and family on the outside. Word spread quickly, and soon there were hundreds of Coloradans looking to play their own small role in the implementation of Phase One.

With each concert booked at the Denver Coliseum, the number of Microbus-based substance disseminators grew. Meanwhile, Elvin’s lawyer succeeded in getting the charges against him thrown out. Since the arresting officer had himself commanded Elvin to control the substances, this was a clear-cut case of entrapment. With this verdict, the devotees of the Grand Experiment (or Elvinists, as they came to be known) realized they could not be imprisoned for carrying out Phase One, so long as they made no attempt to control their substances. As a result, the number of Microbus-based substance disseminators skyrocketed. Concertgoers could no longer get to the concerts, as all the area roads were completely clogged with Microbuses. Over time, the would-be concertgoers became furious, to the point of carrying out violent attacks against many a Microbus. In an attempt to avoid these attacks, some Elvinists began driving to the Coliseum in Volkswagen Passats, Rabbits, and even a Golf.

By now, it had become clear to the Supreme Allied Commander of Denver that something had to be done. Accordingly, the Supreme Allied Commander issued a decree making it illegal to get within three miles of the Denver Coliseum in a Volkswagen. Absurdly, this worked. Almost as soon as police began jailing folks for violating the No VW Zone, the number of people who identified as Elvinists began to decline. Within a few months, the Grand Experiment was nothing more than a memory – a passing fad with no more significance than Rainbow Brite or the Hair Bear Bunch. But the No VW Zone law remained on the books…

End of part two

(click here for the end)

The Grand Experiment, part one

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Enjoy some new fiction (© 2022 by Cedric Williams) :

Elvin was awake before Dawn. This was not surprising since Dawn had taken a horse tranquilizer before hitting the hay. In any event (except the Volkswagen Sign Then Drive Event), Elvin was grateful for the opportunity to load up the Microbus and hit the road without Dawn’s interference. You see, Dawn disapproved of the Grand Experiment, though she clearly understood how much of his heart and spleen Elvin had put into it. She saw nothing wrong with the Grand Experiment itself, as designed. But she knew Elvin, and she was certain he would screw it up somehow. It was simply too big a job for a run-of-the-mill ham salad chef like Elvin.

“I’ll show her,” Elvin mumbled to himself as he parked the Microbus in front of the Denver Coliseum. “I’ll show ’em all. I’ll show ’em all my toenail fungus, and it’ll make ’em PUKE!”

Elvin proceeded to unload his Volkswagen Microbus in preparation for the crowd that would be arriving in a few hours. The Denver Coliseum was to host a concert that night, by the band known as Korn. The opening act was peas. Not a band called Peas; just a freakin’ can of peas. Phase One of the Grand Experiment called for Elvin to distribute uncontrolled substances to curious concertgoers. He was just about to begin doing so, when a police officer walked up and scrutinized Elvin’s carefully arranged display.

“So,” said the cop, “what have we here?”

“A simple vending kiosk, sir,” Elvin replied. “I sell substances to consumers.”

“Well it looks dangerous to me,” the officer opined. “It looks to me like your substances are completely out of control. I’m giving you 10 minutes to corral those suckers.” With that, the officer walked away from the Microbus, and headed for a nearby Korn dog stand.

Elvin gently cooed to the substances for several minutes, gradually calming them, until at last their behavior was under control. So when the police officer returned, Elvin was immediately and very predictably arrested on a charge of “possession of controlled substances”.

End of Part One

(click here for part two)