© 2022 by Cedric Williams

(for part one of this story, click here)

With the failure of the Grand Experiment came the failure of Elvin’s heart and spleen, and thus his untimely demise. He was survived by his wife Dawn and their five-month-old Young’n. That’s right. They named their son Young’n. Soon after Elvin’s death, Dawn was offered a job as floor manager at a major cotton canning plant. With the demand for canned cotton at an all-time high, this opportunity was not to be missed. Eager to put the past behind her, Dawn loaded Young’n into the Microbus, and they moved to whatever state the cotton canning plant was in. Dawn would never again set foot in Colorado.

Young’n grew up knowing very little about his father. Dawn had always disapproved of Elvin’s involvement with the Grand Experiment. Now her biggest fear was that Young’n would follow in Elvin’s foot steps, ending up heartbroken and spleenless like his father before him. Dawn figured that Young’n would be unable to follow in his father’s foot steps if he knew nothing about the man. So she told Young’n his father’s name, and nothing else.

Then, on a beautiful Thursday afternoon one September, Al Gore invented the internet. Young’n instantly recognized the potential of this new technology. As soon as he obtained connectivity, he Googled “Elvin Q. Flatulence”. To his amazement, Wikipedia had an extensive article about his father. Young’n read with fascination about the Grand Experiment and, ultimately, his father’s untimely demise. But even with this new knowledge, he still felt an emptiness, an emptiness that he knew could only be filled by experiencing the homeland of his ancestors. But he was only four years old, and he knew his Mommy wouldn’t take him. So he waited…for several years…. Finally, when he reached crack-smoking age, he embarked upon a pilgrimage to the Denver Coliseum.

“All I want is justice,” he said to anyone who’d listen. “Justice and/or revenge! Well all right, I want justice, revenge, and a Korn dog.” But let us never speak of the Korn dog again.

On the night Young’n arrived in Denver, the Coliseum was to host a concert by a new band known as Karrot. The opening act was the same freakin’ can of peas that had opened for Korn so many years prior. Young’n decided to start by taking a moment to adjust to the crisp Colorado air, so he simply parked his rump on the Coliseum’s front steps. Unfortunately, a passing police officer somehow mistook Young’n’s rump for the new Volkswagen Rump, and Young’n was immediately impounded under the No VW Zone law. Sadly, the shock of being confined to an impound lot caused his heart and spleen to fail, resulting in his untimely demise.

New fiction (© 2022 by Cedric Williams) :

(for part one of this story, click here)

Upon his arrest for possession of controlled substances, Elvin was transported to the City of Denver Municipal Dungeon. Whenever other prisoners asked him what he was in for, Elvin explained the Grand Experiment, and his small part in it. Many of the prisoners were inspired by the idea of the Grand Experiment and offered to help in its execution, once they had done their time in the dungeon, of course. A multitude of them wrote letters explaining the Grand Experiment to friends and family on the outside. Word spread quickly, and soon there were hundreds of Coloradans looking to play their own small role in the implementation of Phase One.

With each concert booked at the Denver Coliseum, the number of Microbus-based substance disseminators grew. Meanwhile, Elvin’s lawyer succeeded in getting the charges against him thrown out. Since the arresting officer had himself commanded Elvin to control the substances, this was a clear-cut case of entrapment. With this verdict, the devotees of the Grand Experiment (or Elvinists, as they came to be known) realized they could not be imprisoned for carrying out Phase One, so long as they made no attempt to control their substances. As a result, the number of Microbus-based substance disseminators skyrocketed. Concertgoers could no longer get to the concerts, as all the area roads were completely clogged with Microbuses. Over time, the would-be concertgoers became furious, to the point of carrying out violent attacks against many a Microbus. In an attempt to avoid these attacks, some Elvinists began driving to the Coliseum in Volkswagen Passats, Rabbits, and even a Golf.

By now, it had become clear to the Supreme Allied Commander of Denver that something had to be done. Accordingly, the Supreme Allied Commander issued a decree making it illegal to get within three miles of the Denver Coliseum in a Volkswagen. Absurdly, this worked. Almost as soon as police began jailing folks for violating the No VW Zone, the number of people who identified as Elvinists began to decline. Within a few months, the Grand Experiment was nothing more than a memory – a passing fad with no more significance than Rainbow Brite or the Hair Bear Bunch. But the No VW Zone law remained on the books…

End of part two

(click here for the end)